About Me
May
05
I write things like how I imagine it in my head, in my heart and sometimes out loud. I’m kind of a square peg that is often shoved into round holes. Sometimes I think I enjoy not fitting in too much. Other times, I think I often try to fit in way too much. Writing liberates me and is the only thing, aside form my own mother that can choke me (not literal).
Born the youngest child, I’m a natural people pleaser. However, my desire to stand in the spotlight is often overwhelmed by my need to solitude.
I’m a big picture kind of girl. I often get frustrated because I find things to be too trivial - and will go into a “what does this mean to this short existence of ours” kind of question. I have always wished I could fast forward things or learn things by osmosis. My family just thinks that’s laziness. Hahaha.
I think i just found the direction in life that I want to take. It’s always been there, but somehow, I always walked around it but now it’s more apparent then ever. Whether or not I get there, remains to be seen.
I don’t think I’m that much of an enigma - but I definitely am a puzzle to lots of people. I’m the kind of person that loves freedom but needs structure. I can go on and on. I will stop here for now.
Here is to this moment that is perfect in itself
May
04
I was thinking today that I was so tired of talking, planning and peering into the future. I want to just be, just do, act and appreciate. Does not mean I won’t try or that I won’t be reaching for the stars, it just means I’ll talk less and do more. Then, when I leave, you shall be happily surprised and I shall not be saddened when I’m still here.
Here is to this moment that is perfect in itself.
May
03
When I was 18, I zealously chased my dreams, with no thoughts or considerations to the consequences that my actions might cause. Fulfilling my dreams were my only desire.
As I sit here, waist deep in those above said consequences, I have to say I miss that foolish bravado that I once had. Ah, to be young once more o.0
Quote
“ A friendship that can end never really began ”
— Publilius Syrus — When I read this post that I posted almost a year ago I’m saddened to think that the above quote is the only thing that could describe it
Life is made up of our attitudes
“Everything that could have happened, but did not, is carried away by the winds forever” - Paulo Coelho in The Fifth Mountain.
4 years ago, I sat in my tiny room off of Sunset Boulevard and made a difficult decision. I had to leave everything I had worked for in California and go back to Singapore to start over. I knew that I had to do it, mostly because I was broke from paying all the doctors’ fees and I would be homeless if I continued that way. People asked me to be stronger, to carry on, but this girl, at that time, was as strong as she could have been.
Coming back to Singapore was not a wrong decision. However, it was a temporary solution to my problems. Now, 4 years later, I’m sitting in my little room, off of Jalan Bukit Merah and I know I have to leave Singapore soon. I am also aware that I have to give up certain ambitions that I have become accustomed to, certain dreams that I have been dreaming. The only difference between now and 4 years ago and now is that I do not have a destination in mind and the world is in the deepest throes of financial disaster.
Wouldn’t it be ironic if Yangonthu returned to Yangon? She is thinking about it. She’s not sure she can really do it she is definitely thinking about it.
If you really want to know what I’m thinking, microblog with me at http://twitter.com/yangonthu
But in time you will understand, that the dream we dreamed were made of sand...
April
23
I’m pretty sure I saved a campaign today. I also saved the other agency’s activation team (I always do, actually). I saved the client from his boss. I saved another client from her third party suppliers. I even saved the elegant one today. When I came home, I realised that I had forgotten to save myself. Then I realised - it was too late.
Waitin, watchin the clock, its four o' clock, its got to stop
April
15
I’ve been writing blog posts and they are all currently unfinished and saved in the Drafts folder. This is because I tend to pour my feelings into my writing and I no longer wanted the world to know my innermost feelings. However, if you were interested, you could follow me on twitter @yangonthu. I do vent on twitter but I have been thinking lately that I have got to stop because it must get annoying to some people. Ah, well. *shrug*
talking about feelings……..
I was in extreme moods today. I was anxious for things that hadn’t happened, I was sad about things that didn’t happen, upset that I wasn’t like some other people, annoyed at work and in general just upset that I could not unglue myself away from things that hold me down.I was disappointed thinking - what could I have done better, what didn’t I do better, why couldn’t I have been better about certain things.
But all I needed was to realise that this is life, will be life, just the way it is and like someone once wrote - this moment is perfect in itself. The moment will pass, like everything else and my dreadful feelings will leave and evaporate when I realise that I lived my life the best that I could, that I lived it right, I stood by my beliefs, my values and that in the end, I gave it my all. That I continue to chase after my dreams, that I continue to laugh though it, that in the end I danced through the rain.
I will always be the “big picture” girl. I will always be the one of those that has to work extra hard just to get what other people take for granted; I will always be the girl who often don’t see how other people might have to work even more than me but I will always be the girl that gave back, always the one that tried to make an impact.
I know, don’t I sound like I’m writing an emo goodbye letter that is half consoling myself? It’s because I am. I’m saying goodbye. I’m always saying goodbye. That’s because life is always changing and I’m always living a different life. I must have lived about 7 different lives already and I know it’s not enough yet. I lose faith in life sometimes and I can’t - I have to just keep thinking that there’s something better coming at me around the corner. :)
Talib Kweli’s Around My Way just came on iTunes. How apt.
Be a doctor or a lawyer or make your momma a promise that
You’ll finish school, but when you got a dream you gotta follow that
And make sure when you make it out the hood, you always holler back
Think about what you got from that
And always put your dollars back
On top of that, this is a legacy and we a part of that
The hood is where my heart is at
Catch me around my way
New Year Ramblings
April
13
Dear time,
it’s a new year again and I wanted to take this time to write you a letter.
Dear time,
your cruel indifference to the way I feel or how fast my heart beats at a particular given moment frustrates me; it makes me yearn for your understanding.
Dear time,
I do realise my wish for special understanding from you just puts the spotlights on my egotistical ways.
Dear time,
3 years have passed and I remain somehow idealistic that you will heal this wound that you so abruptly created in me; though this creation is the fault of none but of nature’s alone.
Dear time,
I know it’s a losing game, when I morph into the essence of water behaving as fire, rushing through life trying to knock things down to prove a point. However, I know of no other way to pass through life.
Dear time,
I think they lied when they told us we can have everything. This is strictly for the exceptions and I suspect that I happen to be the rule - but people keep saying if I was only patient and gave it time - that I will be able to have everything. But what if they lied about that too? Am I the rule?
Dear time,
must you place your mark upon me? I already know my youth and beauty are possessed by no one else but you.
Dear time,
I do dearly cherish you though you, - with your maniacal need to deny me more of you and your desire to act as my own personal motivator, always reminding me that I need to be faster, stronger, better - freak me out most of the time.
Dear time,
you will always exist but one day I will no longer be able to walk within you, with you, past you, against you, before you, after you. But you, you will still be the key significator to memories that I hold close to my heart.
Dear time,
I would like to raise a toast to endings and beginnings for tomorrow will herald yet another new beginning. It will, of course, also remind me of endings that have stayed behind on the history timeline, unreachable, untouchable due to the limitations I have with you. I shall take it as another chance as learning, as reflection and I shall move on. Soon, I shall be the essence of air that behaves as water.
Happy Burmese New Year (Thingyan) everyone.
- Photo 105079229
- Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore. We have seen the future, and the future is ours.
- About Me
- Here is to this moment that is perfect in itself
- A friendship that can end never really began
- Life is made up of our attitudes
- But in time you will understand, that the dream we dreamed were made of sand...
- Waitin, watchin the clock, its four o' clock, its got to stop
- New Year Ramblings
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